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lovely long weekend with mom in LI :) we spent half a day just lazing by the lake, reading and dozing. the other day we walked through the town and shopping a little
so beautiful there, lovely weather ... a real necessary breather.
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Bu makes me wait till after her holidays. thank you for nothing, lady.
and today Fr very pointedly didn't ask me to cover for her on thursday. not only i noticed, CB did too. i asked Fr why and she? told me that this was nothing new, she always asks Br first. yeah sure. bullshit. she's lying. and i don't know why.
i hate this, i don't know how to deal with this clusterfuck. i'm getting paranoid.
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yay. annual appraisal.
i know i'm annoyingly shy and introverted and this makes me a difficult employee. i've been told i'm tooshytooquiettoointroverted, i show too little emotion, i don't share enough, i KNOW THIS. i'm really working on this, i'm trying. but i can't change who i am.
and i thought i had a good working relationship with my colleagues. now i'm no longer sure.
she told me i'm not communicative. i avoid helping out when it's necessary, even in emergencies, because i want to avoid answering the phone. the fuck?
i was always the one Fr and GB always turned first to, i only asked a few times if someone else could help. i offered help. and now this? where does this come from. i'm so done.
just because she had a difficult time? because she didn't get the job? the fuck.

and i expected a difficult talk, two thirds of what i do vanished over night, after all.
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just like i expected, Russia was great. awesome, beautiful old cities, old churches, old monasteries, stunning frescos. amazing and a great experience. the group was nice, too.
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three weeks holidays, yay! :)
and again, i feel decidedly unenthusiastic about travelling. what is is that makes me plan trips, wanting to go literally everywhere at the same time - and when it's finally time i suddenly just want to stay home? i hate this so much.
i guess it's just another aspect of depression, i don't know.
anyway, these three weeks are so fucking needed. i'm so exhausted and fed up too.
Work was exhausting these last weeks.
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Last night I had a penis. It was very interesting. Dreams are really weird.

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You know what really, really annoys me? Those "please ignore me, I'm just an inconsequential mousy mousy woman-person waiting to be validated by c*ck"-characters.

Yes, I just saw the 50 shades trailer, why do you ask?
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Boought a new e-reader because Amazon sucks and I want to finally retire my kindle.

It's shiny and new and has that light-thingy that lets you read in the dark and I like it.
I just really, really fail when it comes to Calibre and getting my files structured. Argh.
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Back again from holidays ... and the first week without M. I'm missing her already. I know her reasons for leavin are good, but still.

She left a present for me - a pretty little bracelet and an audiobook (the princess bride).

She got little gifts for a couple of people here. One of the people who didn't get one is F. And that must have hurt her, she's been commenting on it.

I understand that. I don't thing M left her out intentionally, she's not the kind of person to do that, but I understand that being left out makes you wonder. F is saying this shows again that she should just stop "caring so much" - she's been contacting people to help M find another job. And this just rubs me the wrong way.

I think a big part of it is that I really, really like M. And sometimes I get a little "protective" of people I like a lot.

But it's more than that. I guess it's because asking around for possible openings for me just isn't so special. I mean, if I know the right people, asking is not a big deal, you know? I'd do it for anyone I like/know well enough, it's not that much work. And I thought she did it because she likes M and thinks she's good at what she does. I hope not getting a gift would not make me so ... bitter.

M left gifts for those people she worked with most; she made cake for everyone when she left. I'm sure she was grateful for F's help and thanked her.

I don't think not getting her a gift makes her ungrateful or undeserving or a bad person. Or shows anything about helping others.


Dec. 17th, 2014 02:55 pm
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The chocolate is always in the other handbag. Of course.

So is the umbrella.


Dec. 16th, 2014 05:32 pm
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This weekend was great but not. On the one hand depression struck again like she hasn't in a long while; I always felt on the verge of tears.

On the other hand (and I think this saved me, thank God I had this planned for a while) I and K had a glorious Hobbit-weekend. Watching parts one and two on DVD and then off to the cinema for part three. It was awesome and like I said most likely the only thing that kept me from turning into a desperate ball under a blanket.

I liked The Battle of the Five Armies. Yes, Peter Jackson changed stuff. Some major stuff. And put stuff in the story that isn't in the book.

But I think a lot of the added elements do fit in the storyline/universe, connect the Hobbit and LotR, or fleshen out the story.

The White Council, for example, is not mentioned in The Hobbit - but there was a meeting, and Saruman dissuaded the others from acting; and later Sauron was driven from Dol Guldur by the White Council.

I liked the addition of a female character, maybe the love interest wasn't really necessary but I didn't really mind. (I also liked how Éowyn and Arwen got more lines in the adaptation)

The history of the Dwarves was changed for the film, different events were combined and characters were left out - but honestly, the whole story, Thror and Nár in Moria, the killing of Azog and the death of Thrain is a little convoluted for a by-the-fireside-episode.

And Galadriel - she really, really kicks ass. <3
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No more apples.

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I picked apples. I love our apple trees. I love them!
And then I had a huge amount (well, a bucket) of apples. So, what to do? Most of them are wormy, so storing them is not really an option.
Solution: apple mush. Yum! For apple mush you need small pieces of peeled apples; I spent the whole afternoon peeling and slicing apples (and the last pears our tree had.
And fuck, my arm/hand never hurt that much. Sheesh. :)

And now I have tons of apple mush.

By the way, I pittet the last damsons and put them in the freezer.

Fruit Flies

Sep. 1st, 2014 07:40 pm
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This week is mine. MINE, I tell you. :)

Parents are travelling, grandmother in the nursing home, and I'm on holiday for a week. Whee!

This weekend I discovered how full our damson tree is - and started harvesting. And damn, they're good this year :)
Mom is annoyed by all the apples and stuff falling from our trees but I love having all those beautiful trees around.
So, right now there is a whole bunch of lovely damsons in the kitchen. Hmmm. I just have to be careful to avoid the worms. :)

But. Fruit flies. :(
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Kittysitting again, two weeks.

I've never knit around cats before, so something new again.

Girl cat is a little cuddlier this time but still is more reserved.
Boy cat is a serious cuddler. And human-cleaner. He is very, very interested in my knitting - most of all the knitting needles are fascinating. So far I could keep him from pouncing on my yarn.
Both adore my suitcase. Sitting on it is the best thing ever, apparently. :) Silly things.
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Holidays! Two weeks! One week I traveled (all alone, yay!), the second I spent at home. Puttering around, visiting my other Grandma (lovely lady!), and sewing.

A pillow case for mum (very basic, no buttons or zip, just tuck-in-the-corners-style) and three days of renovating my pads. More or lesse re-doing them - after a year of use it was necessary, I think :) Fresh padding to make them more absorbent and new colours for the pretty. Yay!
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Yay, world cup!

I wouldn't call myself a soccer fan - but I enjoy watching the world cup :)
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Amazon continues to suck. Big time.

There was a time when I used to buy most of my books (and lots of other stuff) on Amazon. I mean, it’s easy, comfortable and convenient. I think my first account to buy stuff online was Amazon.

Then there was #amazonfail, remember?

Then I heard more and more about how Amazon more or less monopolising/controlling/destroying the market. And how workers were treated. And how Amazon avoids paying taxes.

And that annoyed me, really. And I stopped buying stuff there, because convenient is no excuse for supporting that kind of fuckery.

So, it’s not like I had a high opinion of Amazon, right?
Yet still they continue to surprise me.

So, basically blackmailing publishers? Way to go. Asshats.

Yes, I am aware of the fact that there are other possibilities to buy books.

I know, it’s the market and all that crap. Nya.
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Finally I get to move to my new office!

I’ll miss having my own little corner, but I won’t miss the neighbour.

And I’m a little nervous about being responsible for the trainees – I mean, I’ve done this before, but that was a little different.

I’m sure it’ll be okay but I’m still nervous. :)


Jun. 3rd, 2014 03:43 pm
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Ha, finally I can plan my holiday! I think a city trip this time. I don’t feel like planning big but I want to see something different for a while.

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