smoldworf

okay, forgetting my meds two days in a row is not ideal for my mental health. you actually do know this, miss. (sigh)

but. having your boss basically say: you can't be overworked and stressed, you're on coffee break all the time[not fucking true. obviously. lol] ... does not help either.

because saying shit like that is assholery. Especially considering we've been one person short in our team since January AND i was on sick leave for sudden hearing loss earlier this year. Which obviously had nothing to do with being overworked and stressed. of course.

bosses suck

Once in a while I want to organise stuff. And when that happens I want to do it properly. :)
A never ending story: my books. I tried Excel (with as much success as you'd expect) and cataloguing software. And I tried anobii.com - mostly because I liked the name. :)

And then I discovered booklikes.com. And now I'm a little in love! Much in love *hearts*
A combination of a blog and your shelves. And a timeline, too. And the team is awesome. Now I can Keep track of what I'm reading and post my Reviews where they belong. Sigh.

In October I read a little too much, it's like a hangover right now ... I needed to do something with my Hands, you know.
Knitting. Yay! :)


Taking care of G is draining for my Dad, she's vicious, that old bat. Argh.

Christmas is like tomorrow and I have no idea what to get. But - holidays in two weeks, I'm so excited! Two weeks of sun, reading, knitting and calm

So, on November 7ht I got the "thank you (for your unpaid overtime and work-weekends [nah, I'm kidding!]), but we found someone better, kthxbai!" ... "But we're awesome so you have three months until we really kick you out! And, by the way, how about instructing the one we're replacing you with?"
"And hey, 'cause we're so awesome you'll even get yout Christmas bonus - just in case you thought you'd get it just because it's in your contract - haha, we actually don't have to give it to you. We just want to rub it in that we considered not paying it. Kiss our feet!"

On January 7th I (in a fit of unbelievable klutzyness) I ran into a door jamb an broke my pinky toe. Yay.

On January 8th my favourite colleague of all yelled at me, complaining I couldn't do my job right. In front of the whole department. And my boss.
After a whole lot of four hours of sleep I lost it and of-fucking-course started crying.
He was all "I'm just telling the truth, I have the right to do that. If she can't handle that and has to cry it's not my fault!" [By the way, I did my job. The problem was the homepage - his part of the job!]
Strange enough, The Boss never tried to stop him from insulting me - only when I started talking back, he gave his "I don't want thant kind of tone in my department yadda yadda"-speech.
Asshat. Major asshat.



I think I'll take the broken toe thing as a hint of fate ... not to rush into things this year else I'll get hurt. Ha! So I'll try and enjoy the breather I got. The last year? Was no fun work-wise. They sucked me dry, emotionally, as a person.
I need to find a better place to work. For me.


Sometimes I think I want to go back to university. Whatever.

... was a good one.
The boss was traveling and the bossboss, too. That makes working so much more relaxed.
And I also cleaned (finally!!) my desk, which makes working a little surreal :) but very, very nice.
Not so nice - the intern's computer self destructed somehow. Finding stuff for her to do without needing a computer was a challenge today.

Reading manuscripts right now - and I'm so sorry to say this, but this one is fucking tedious. They expect quite a lot from it but honestly, it's so literary and desolate. Literature, you know?

The fair was great - I didn't really want to go this time, I was sure I had forgotten something incredibly important. But it was good this time. And boss worked as a buffer between bossboss and us. (I was so incredibly grateful! Bossboss is damn cold and distant with the "new ones". And sometimes downright nasty.)

Hm, the first test of my new cloth pads was mostly successful :)
Just in time I finished all the pads I needed and they worked!! And it did feel better than with the bought ones :)

The only things I bought for making them were the snap fasteners. The rest was fabric I already had, old shirts, an old towel and tablecloth, and one leg of an old pair of cord trousers.
They're colourful and comfy (old fabric rules!) and oh so pretty. Well, they're more they're-okay-but-I-loooove-them-because-I-made-them-all-by-myself, but they work!



This week work sucked. My computer was updated and that stupid fucker of IT-person made sure I couldn't use it for four days. It could have been done in two. Two and a half, tops.
Fucker.
But F. likes him (male bonding and all that bullshit).
In those four days? F. was working on driving me completely insane. Swearing, screaming, and talking all-the-fucking-time.
In September, there is a pretty big thing, and I needed hin to finish something this Monday. But he didn't, noooo. No need to, right. He did it Thursday. But of course, he knows everything better. He never DID this, but he's the expert.
He's so full of it, honestly.
It worries me, that U might fall for that (all that macho male bonding, again), I'm not nearly as good at making myself look good while fucking up.

Anyway, weekend. I'm so incredibly tired.

... somehow I almost completely forgot how much I like keeping a journal. And how much I enjoy the whole concept of journals and communities - neither Facebook nor Wordpress can compare. :)

I doubt I'll have much time to post as often as I did a couple of years back - but I want to read and post a little more :)
... I have the feeling I said the same thing not so long ago XD


I feel like I caught the second cold in three weeks and my stomach's acting up again. I just hope it won't last as long as the last time ... anyway. I'm still pretty much exhausted, I rarely get enough sleep. Eight hours are not nearly enough somehow :/
Private life is nonexistant at the moment. And when I have time for me, I want it for me, for me alone (I'm greedy like that). For months I haven't been dancing; I don't want to have to do the trip into town again, I don't want to have a schedule, I don't want to have to meet people. I have enough of that during the week. I like my work, but it's more than enough right now.
I'd like to quit dancing - it's lost its appeal, I want more time for myself, I feel a little too old for the group I'm in and too young for the others, and it's money I could easily spend somewhere else - but there's S. to consider. He's okay, but also a little annoying. Still, I dread this conversation. A little.

Tired, headache ... off to bed (sooner or later)

I'm pretty much exhausted.
Work is good, the book fair and everything else went pretty well. But still, it's a little overwhelming.
In the evening it's already dark when I get home - yes, now it's really winter - and I'm all the time.
Sleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep, I need more sleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep!

;)

I’d like to write more often. I mean, it’s not like there’s much happening in my life, but reading old entries makes me wish I’d write more regularly – to keep track, remember all those unimportant yet lovely (or not) events.

Anyway, in the last week of April I handed in my application for the job. Here. In this house. It’s a job I love to have. A perfect mix of old and new – new colleagues, a completely new department and yet the same employer, the same work ethics collegiality, appreciation and the same wonderful books all around me. The only problem: I can hardly claim to be experienced. And there are 250 others who’d like the job just as much as I do.
At the moment there are quite a lot jobs offered around here, which is fortunate – and not. Because I still hope for this one, and so I don’t want to apply for any other job. I don’t want to jinx it, somehow.

So right now I’m more or less in between everything. I don’t want anything to change, I don’t want to wait anymore, I want them to answer and I don’t.

So, parents are away on holiday, it's August - and summer has left :( Definitely not nice.
I just hope our holiday will be nice. :)

Only two more days of work. S. isn't there this week and J. returned from holiday. I always thought I liked S better, but obviously I was wrong. These past weeks she really got on my nerves. Strange. BUt maybe that's just the Getting-to-know-phase. It's difficult to work with different people every few weeks. It's interesting and challenging - but also difficult.
New rules, new priorities... new everything.

Well.

Once again a lovely weekend... after dancing I went to see M, we watched some films, went out for dinner (Russian, yum!), watched another film... and had, in short, a great time :)
Oh, well...

Work's okay. Not the most thrilling stuff you can imagine, but it's nice to see how things work... it's not as creative as the other departments - but there are some interesting things to do. And it's not like I neet adventures all the time.
I've got used to answering the phone and rude people don't make me feel stupid anymore. I surprise myself :)

Oh, well. Time passes way too quickly.