yggdra_sil: (Default)
Once in a while I want to organise stuff. And when that happens I want to do it properly. :)
A never ending story: my books. I tried Excel (with as much success as you'd expect) and cataloguing software. And I tried anobii.com - mostly because I liked the name. :)

And then I discovered booklikes.com. And now I'm a little in love! Much in love *hearts*
A combination of a blog and your shelves. And a timeline, too. And the team is awesome. Now I can Keep track of what I'm reading and post my Reviews where they belong. Sigh.

In October I read a little too much, it's like a hangover right now ... I needed to do something with my Hands, you know.
Knitting. Yay! :)

Taking care of G is draining for my Dad, she's vicious, that old bat. Argh.

Christmas is like tomorrow and I have no idea what to get. But - holidays in two weeks, I'm so excited! Two weeks of sun, reading, knitting and calm


Aug. 21st, 2013 07:19 pm
yggdra_sil: (Default)
Deary me, my family is exhausting. My uncle is unleashing all of his madness on us. Forcing his mother to sign stuff she doesn't understand. Whee. I love my mom, but she's part of this. She's clinging to me in a way that's scaring me. I feel like her emotional waste basket sometimes. But I'm not indestructible. I, too, have a breaking point. I'm need to get a little distance between all this and me. So I spent this afternoon dozing in the sun ... not at home, unavailable :) It was good.

Oh, well.

Aug. 8th, 2013 01:47 pm
yggdra_sil: (Default)
Sometimes I’m frighteningly good.
Like a psychic or something.
Or maybe I'm just stupid and should just STFU.

After confronting my uncle about terrorising my grandmother one of my first thoughts was “Boy, I’m gonna pay for this”.

I really wish I’d been wrong.

This Monday something happened in my family and we were all shaken. There was arguing, screaming and desperation. Neither of us slept well that night and I decided to stay home from work (after two hours of sleep that was a pretty good idea, too). Comforting each other. Strength in numbers and all that, right?
Well. Someone, I don’t know who, had the brilliant idea to get my uncle involved.
He preached about “sticking together”, about us “learning a bitter lesson”, how much better it is to work together and all that crap. I didn’t talk to him, I was on the sofa, trying to get a little sleep.

Enter Granny. "[Your uncle] says he won’t enter the house again (funny, he’d already been there this morning) until you apologise to him."
That was nothing new, he’d said that the week before. On the day I tried to tell him to stop tormenting his own mother about her money.

The new part? Her huge, pleading eyes and the whiny voice.
No fucking way, I thought. She wouldn't dare.

She dared.

“So what?”, I asked.
“Well, you know …”
“You want me to apologise? You are aware I was defending you, right? I didn’t do anything wrong, but if you tell me to, I will apologise.”
“Do you want me to apologise?”
“Well, you know …”
“Do you want me to apologise?”
“… I have no choice!”
“Well, then.”
She did have a choice. He had already “entered the house” twice. He just had to put that cherry on top of his sundae of triumph. He told her he wouldn’t enter her house ever again several times before. When he’d argued with my dad (his brother). When she wouldn’t give him power of attorney. And he always came back.

So I “apologised”. I made sure he knew I didn’t do it willingly. I told him that from now on he can do whatever he wants; I won’t defend his mother again. He can rage, he can scream, he can demand money and power of attorney. I don’t care.

No choice, my ass.

This was just the continuation of the old habit of “they (my parents and me) are always there, no matter how I treat them. They may get angry but they’re always at my beck and call.” Now completed with a “she’ll get over it”.

Well, fuck you, lady.

I took a holiday to make sure you’re not “all alone by yourself! Whine!”™ when my parents take their two weeks’ worth of holidays.
We asked my uncle (who isn’t even related to you) to visit with us, too. Because the ray of sunshine that is your firstborn refused to look after you until you gave him power of attorney.
I was willing to sleep on an uncomfortable lumpy old couch so you didn’t have to be “all alone by yourself! Whine!”™ at night during that time.

I/we did that because you’re old and needy. I was willing to overlook how you’d treated the people I loved because I thought holding a grudge would be petty.

Well, fuck you, lady.
My grudge is back. And this time it’s here to stay. Call me petty if you want. I’d rather be petty than your puppet.

And your crocodile tears? Let those two charming, oh-so-successful bitches that are my cousins dry them. When they visit. If they visit. They life a whole kilometre away, after all.
yggdra_sil: (Default)
Tonight I dreamt that my Grandmother wanted to shoot dad. And somehow I was the only one trying to stop her. Somehow I knew I would fail - but I still tried. Alone. That pretty much sucked.

Two weeks ago I dreamt that she had poisoned him. And - of course - I was the only one upset by this. I think I wanted to hit her or something, but everyone else was quite okay with it.

I don't need to be Freud to know what this means. Pft.
yggdra_sil: (Default)
So, now I'm no longer a student. I really, really feels strange. Well, technically I still am - till October or so... but that doesn't really count.
I loved university, studying and all that. And now it' over, just like that. Not that I'm not glad all those f*ing exams are over and done with. Hell, that I am. In the end I was just sick and tired of all that stuff.

Well, a new part, I guess.

Friday was a small celebration at the institute, Monday we got our diplomas. And my parents weren't there. Which sucked a lot. I mean, yes, work. BUT. That was MY day, in a way. And they dind't even consider closing the office for a couple of hours.
The ceremony was nice and I enjoyed it - but still, I felt more than a little depressed being there on my own. While almost every one else had their whole family there. Well, it sucked.

But on the other hand, being no longer a student has its advantages. :) Since finishing school these past weeks have been the first real holidays (without any kind of bad conscience). And I spent it (mostly) in the garden, reading, sleeping and just recovering.
And now I'm looking forward to a job with real free time afterwards! Heh.
I'll start on the 3rd and I'm a little nervous. They seemed all very nice, but you never know.
But still, I'm so thrilled! :))
yggdra_sil: (Default)
Well, I guess writing has caught up with me. A couple of days ago I had a very nasty nightmare about my mother hating me and sending me away. Sheesh. I don't need Freud to interpret that one. ;)

I always wanted it cold... and now it is. :) Delightfully cold. Well, here we're better off, but still I enjoy the cold, clear air. And this afternoon everything was still white and glittery with frost. It was amazin. I love winter. :)

Ah, well. In other news, I'm still trying (and till now succeeding) in getting some writing done. I still haven't told my professor about my exact plans, but I hope he will accept it without too many additions.

E. called again. Obviosly she's willing to sacrifice some time for us. Well, I guess I'm being mean. But still. She annoys me.
S. too. But that's a little different, I guess.
yggdra_sil: (Default)
Once again I completely got lost in busy life and forgot to keep notes. Well. Anyway.
Christmas is over, the new year almost there...
Christmas was better than expected. But maybe that's because expected almost the worst. No huge arguments or discussions, I didn't have to leave the room to hit somehting... pretty good, actually.
I mean, I still can't stand my aunt - but it was pretty okay this year.

Me, I'm tentatively optimistic about my thesis. Somehow it feels like I'll be able to write something. I just can hope it's good enough for my professors. Today and yesterday I was really doing something. ;) It's not always like that. Well, I guess it would be unnatural to change my ways of working on something just because it's important now. *snerk*

During the holidays I read a couple of books - it's been so long that I've read a real book. You know - not something about formalism or repetition or theory of whatever. Yeah.
A gave me a really cool present this year, I'm looking forward to it. :))

The next year makes me pretty nervous, though. *sigh*


Aug. 12th, 2008 11:28 am
yggdra_sil: (Default)
Oh. My. God.
She's trying to drive me insane. And she's succeeding. It's amazing how much one person can TALK without having anything to say.

Why won't she shut up? I have work to do. I have to write a paper and have to conventrate. But hey, her problems are so much more important than anything I might worry about.

Really, sometimes I hate her.

Any these two weeks are, in a way, holiday for me, too. Or at least they're supposed to be. I mean, I am finally alone for two weeks, have no one to tell where I'm going or what I'm doing or why. Only in theory, though.



Jun. 18th, 2008 01:09 pm
yggdra_sil: (Default)
Well, yes! I'm still alive. Kind of. Somehow - I don't know how - I manage to finish my preparation for a presentation later every fucking time.
I had the hand outs finished and printed half an hour before the seminar started. Anyway, it was okay.

Before that, we had choir and choir and choir. ;) And while we're not really great, it could be worse.

A. and me are planning another holiday together - it has been sooo long - and we want to go to Spain. So great. :)

S. and me skipped a tournament (ha!).

And... G. fell down the stairs. Strangely enough, she didn't break a bone. Apart from a nasty shock and some scratches she was fine. Quite unbelievable. I, on the other hand felt sick for the rest of the evening and couldn't sleep till five in the morning. :|

But. I succeeded in making ice cream for my mother without sugar. Chocolate with 99% cocoa, egg, milk, cream and sweetener.
And heaven, was it good. ;) Not so sweet... wonderful. Ha.


May. 26th, 2008 11:55 am
yggdra_sil: (Default)
Some things happened, nothing special, just... well. The usual stuff, I guess.

Last Friday my mother and I had a discussion about a birthday present. I thought the person didn't deserve the presents she had chosen. I know. that sounds mean. But if someone hurts or insults those I care about (or me *g*) I most definitely won't forget it. And this person... well, she considers herself "elite" - me and my parents are really only (and barely) good enough to shine her shoes. If at all. Because we're not rich enough. Or know the RIGHT people. I always say she (and her husband) are the only people I know that would get off from reading their accounts current. Yes, I know how to bear a grudge. Fuckers.
Anyway, I said I wouldn't wrap the presents. My mother told me not to be unfair (!). She wrapped the presents herself.
End of story.

Still nothing from T and C. Which I think is not very nice. I've been waiting for a call/answer to my e-mail two weeks/one week, respectively.
It's not like I FORCED them to ask me to help them.

And. (A good one)
I had very much fun with A this Saturday. Tim Burton is cool. ;)

And. This week's moral conflict: tournament on Saturday - shuld I chicken out again?
All those questions...

Anyway. I still need a topic for my thesis. Bwah.
yggdra_sil: (Default)
Maybe I'm just too thin-skinned, but I'm really really REALLY hasta las narices. It pisses me off sooo much when people tell me that what I do is insignificant and useless and a waste of time. Well, no one put it like that, of course. But telling others (studying economy or engineering or computer science) how great it is that they're doing something USEful. Sensible.

It makes me wanna retch.

You know, being judged by intellectual illiterates. By small minded, blinkered expert idiots who think they're clever just because they are able to write their own name correctly.
I mean, you don't have to be interested in what I like - just don't act like it's unimportant because of it. Sometimes I wish I had the courage to tell them what I think of them. Be really mean. Hurt them the way they hurt me. Sometimes I wish I could tell them that - intellectually - I can't respect them because of how narrow-minded they are. I mean, they hardly are able to talk about ANYTHING but their job. That's not dedicated, that's just plain dumb.


Usually, I'm a fairly nice and patient and accepting person. But sometimes it just is... too fucking much.


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