smoldworf

So, on November 7ht I got the "thank you (for your unpaid overtime and work-weekends [nah, I'm kidding!]), but we found someone better, kthxbai!" ... "But we're awesome so you have three months until we really kick you out! And, by the way, how about instructing the one we're replacing you with?"
"And hey, 'cause we're so awesome you'll even get yout Christmas bonus - just in case you thought you'd get it just because it's in your contract - haha, we actually don't have to give it to you. We just want to rub it in that we considered not paying it. Kiss our feet!"

On January 7th I (in a fit of unbelievable klutzyness) I ran into a door jamb an broke my pinky toe. Yay.

On January 8th my favourite colleague of all yelled at me, complaining I couldn't do my job right. In front of the whole department. And my boss.
After a whole lot of four hours of sleep I lost it and of-fucking-course started crying.
He was all "I'm just telling the truth, I have the right to do that. If she can't handle that and has to cry it's not my fault!" [By the way, I did my job. The problem was the homepage - his part of the job!]
Strange enough, The Boss never tried to stop him from insulting me - only when I started talking back, he gave his "I don't want thant kind of tone in my department yadda yadda"-speech.
Asshat. Major asshat.



I think I'll take the broken toe thing as a hint of fate ... not to rush into things this year else I'll get hurt. Ha! So I'll try and enjoy the breather I got. The last year? Was no fun work-wise. They sucked me dry, emotionally, as a person.
I need to find a better place to work. For me.


Sometimes I think I want to go back to university. Whatever.

Work pretty much sucks right now. My enthusiasm and motivation is nonexistant, D is as useless as expected and W is treating me like his personal assistant. "you can't just put people through!" What? Why?! Give people your own fucking number, I'm not here to "protect" you from unwanted calls! :( Pretentious asshole. I wouldn't be surprised if he had his hands in my layoff.
Too stupid for basic office work but full of himself. Full of hot air. Fucker.

But D is not much better. Interviewing my replacement before even laying me off?! Bloody fucking coward. He's gonna help me, yeah sure. Ha!

The first two weeks after were ... not okay but manageable. But now? It's getting hard to bear. Seeing them every day, it burns.
And I'm starting to get worried. About finding something new. About being able to pull myself together.
It's been a while that I felt really depressed and reluctant to get up and go to work - so congratulations, you managed it.

I'm disappointed. I feel betrayed. I'm angry. And despondent.
Ah, well.

... and doomed.

I know how my mind works, I do. So why did I think having a tiny peek into a new fandom would be safe? It's always the same!!
1. Ooooh, FanficWriterX writes in Fadom Y?
2. Slash?
3. Meh, like there's one single slashable character there ...
4. Well, I like their writing, so ...
5. ZOMG!!! MUST READ MORE! MORE!! MOREMOREMORE!!!!111!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



Criminal Minds. Spencer Reid.

Sigh.

I'm so doomed.

Sooo, another year almost over.
This week I was ... okay, am obscenely, stinking lazy. So everything went mostly according to my holiday plans. :) I didn't plan the flu - but it was a teeny one and at least that way I could stay away from family celebrations. All in all, it's been quite the perfect Christmas for me :D

I've been going through my collection of fanfic (I expected it to be bigger ...), and really, the idea of putting the author name in the file seemed to be a weird comcept to me back then. Instead of only sorting them by fandom, author name, and title - and being done in a few hours - now I first have to find the stories online and find out who wrote it. Honestly - forgetting the author, for fuck's sake. So far I found all of them, but ... argh.

Another argh, a BIG ONE is IJ. I really get the idea of making sure that users are active and all that shit. I guess they sent an email about my journals being kinda "inactive". BUT I STILL COULD SPIT FIRE AND BRIMSTONE, THOSE DAMN FUCKERS DELETED AND PURGED MY FUCKING JOURNAL!!! IT WAS MINE! MINE!! MINE!!!
Maybe there was a reason I didn't update them regularly?! God, I'm so glad I made one backup at Wordpress, even if I'm not spectacultarly fond of Wordpress's structure.
Do I have to go back to LJ now? I'm not really sure I want that. But IJ deleted my Journal, FOR FUCK'S SAKE!!!!!!!!!

I'm pretty much exhausted.
Work is good, the book fair and everything else went pretty well. But still, it's a little overwhelming.
In the evening it's already dark when I get home - yes, now it's really winter - and I'm all the time.
Sleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep, I need more sleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep!

;)

I’d like to write more often. I mean, it’s not like there’s much happening in my life, but reading old entries makes me wish I’d write more regularly – to keep track, remember all those unimportant yet lovely (or not) events.

Anyway, in the last week of April I handed in my application for the job. Here. In this house. It’s a job I love to have. A perfect mix of old and new – new colleagues, a completely new department and yet the same employer, the same work ethics collegiality, appreciation and the same wonderful books all around me. The only problem: I can hardly claim to be experienced. And there are 250 others who’d like the job just as much as I do.
At the moment there are quite a lot jobs offered around here, which is fortunate – and not. Because I still hope for this one, and so I don’t want to apply for any other job. I don’t want to jinx it, somehow.

So right now I’m more or less in between everything. I don’t want anything to change, I don’t want to wait anymore, I want them to answer and I don’t.

Friday was so wonderful. M and I went to the May Fair together. Lovely old things, strange stuff and yummy food. I bought three of those cookie-thingies: a frog, a dragon and a teddy bear. Hee. Afterwards we sat down on the riverbank, tried to skip stones and relaxed. And then we went for a really nice, quite long walk along the river.

A very nice and pleasant afternoon.

Other than that I'm getting ready for departure at the moment. I got my tickets, now I need a reservation and have to send in the confirmation and the info.
It's a little unreal. At the one hand I'm excited. On the other I don't really want to leave.
Well, we'll see. :)

Once again a lovely weekend... after dancing I went to see M, we watched some films, went out for dinner (Russian, yum!), watched another film... and had, in short, a great time :)
Oh, well...

Work's okay. Not the most thrilling stuff you can imagine, but it's nice to see how things work... it's not as creative as the other departments - but there are some interesting things to do. And it's not like I neet adventures all the time.
I've got used to answering the phone and rude people don't make me feel stupid anymore. I surprise myself :)

Oh, well. Time passes way too quickly.

So, now I'm no longer a student. I really, really feels strange. Well, technically I still am - till October or so... but that doesn't really count.
I loved university, studying and all that. And now it' over, just like that. Not that I'm not glad all those f*ing exams are over and done with. Hell, that I am. In the end I was just sick and tired of all that stuff.

Well, a new part, I guess.

Friday was a small celebration at the institute, Monday we got our diplomas. And my parents weren't there. Which sucked a lot. I mean, yes, work. BUT. That was MY day, in a way. And they dind't even consider closing the office for a couple of hours.
The ceremony was nice and I enjoyed it - but still, I felt more than a little depressed being there on my own. While almost every one else had their whole family there. Well, it sucked.

But on the other hand, being no longer a student has its advantages. :) Since finishing school these past weeks have been the first real holidays (without any kind of bad conscience). And I spent it (mostly) in the garden, reading, sleeping and just recovering.
And now I'm looking forward to a job with real free time afterwards! Heh.
I'll start on the 3rd and I'm a little nervous. They seemed all very nice, but you never know.
But still, I'm so thrilled! :))

Yesterday I survived the first oral exam.
I was so incredibly nervous... and it wasn't really that bad. :) I'm exremely surprised how enjoyable it was. ;) I always thought the talk about a "conversation" during the exam was bull. But sometimes it really felt like a real discussion. Awesome.
Now let's hope the result is just as awesome.

The next one is on Thursday... little time, much to do... Argh!