Oh, well.

Aug. 8th, 2013 01:47 pm
yggdra_sil: (Default)
Sometimes I’m frighteningly good.
Like a psychic or something.
Or maybe I'm just stupid and should just STFU.

After confronting my uncle about terrorising my grandmother one of my first thoughts was “Boy, I’m gonna pay for this”.

I really wish I’d been wrong.

This Monday something happened in my family and we were all shaken. There was arguing, screaming and desperation. Neither of us slept well that night and I decided to stay home from work (after two hours of sleep that was a pretty good idea, too). Comforting each other. Strength in numbers and all that, right?
Well. Someone, I don’t know who, had the brilliant idea to get my uncle involved.
He preached about “sticking together”, about us “learning a bitter lesson”, how much better it is to work together and all that crap. I didn’t talk to him, I was on the sofa, trying to get a little sleep.

Enter Granny. "[Your uncle] says he won’t enter the house again (funny, he’d already been there this morning) until you apologise to him."
That was nothing new, he’d said that the week before. On the day I tried to tell him to stop tormenting his own mother about her money.

The new part? Her huge, pleading eyes and the whiny voice.
No fucking way, I thought. She wouldn't dare.

She dared.

“So what?”, I asked.
“Well, you know …”
“You want me to apologise? You are aware I was defending you, right? I didn’t do anything wrong, but if you tell me to, I will apologise.”
“Do you want me to apologise?”
“Well, you know …”
“Do you want me to apologise?”
“… I have no choice!”
“Well, then.”
She did have a choice. He had already “entered the house” twice. He just had to put that cherry on top of his sundae of triumph. He told her he wouldn’t enter her house ever again several times before. When he’d argued with my dad (his brother). When she wouldn’t give him power of attorney. And he always came back.

So I “apologised”. I made sure he knew I didn’t do it willingly. I told him that from now on he can do whatever he wants; I won’t defend his mother again. He can rage, he can scream, he can demand money and power of attorney. I don’t care.

No choice, my ass.

This was just the continuation of the old habit of “they (my parents and me) are always there, no matter how I treat them. They may get angry but they’re always at my beck and call.” Now completed with a “she’ll get over it”.

Well, fuck you, lady.

I took a holiday to make sure you’re not “all alone by yourself! Whine!”™ when my parents take their two weeks’ worth of holidays.
We asked my uncle (who isn’t even related to you) to visit with us, too. Because the ray of sunshine that is your firstborn refused to look after you until you gave him power of attorney.
I was willing to sleep on an uncomfortable lumpy old couch so you didn’t have to be “all alone by yourself! Whine!”™ at night during that time.

I/we did that because you’re old and needy. I was willing to overlook how you’d treated the people I loved because I thought holding a grudge would be petty.

Well, fuck you, lady.
My grudge is back. And this time it’s here to stay. Call me petty if you want. I’d rather be petty than your puppet.

And your crocodile tears? Let those two charming, oh-so-successful bitches that are my cousins dry them. When they visit. If they visit. They life a whole kilometre away, after all.


Nov. 23rd, 2011 08:42 pm
yggdra_sil: (Default)
Dear colleagues,

I am grateful for any help and advice you can give me (naturally, I'm a little more grateful, ha!, am ridiculously happy when you tell me what I do okay or even well)

But, dear colleagues, it SUCKS BIG TIME to be compared to my fucking perfect-with-a-bow-and-a-cherry-on-top-(with sprinkles) predecessor.

She may be a model of perfect perfection in your eyes - but she's not here anymore. I'm here. And I'm doing my fucking best to be as perfectly perfect as possible (Remember? My first day here was not even three months ago.) Maybe she was flawless from the very first day - but I'm not. So, would you fucking stop comparing me to fucking Saint H.


It fucking hurts.
yggdra_sil: (Default)
Well... on Tuesday I had a job interview. It was pretty okay and I didn't die of nervousness.
Yay me! :)
They told me they'd contact me by the end of next week (and I wondered how I'd survive that). Well, yesterday the boss's secretary called me to tell me that they'd decided to give me the job.

I'm still pretty high on endorphines right now.

I mean, apart from the fact that it's for two years and means more money than the internship - they decided that I'm the one for the job after two days!
That really feels good. I mean, I try and ignore stupid comments about the (supposed) uselessness of humanities. But it still - with time - gets to me. Makes me doubt my own worth and the worth of what I'm doing and enjoying.
So this is absolutely awesome for me and my feeling of self-worth.

cut for ranting )
yggdra_sil: (Default)
Yes, finally I've been able to watch the first episode of the fourth season. Some things I expected, some not so much. ;)
The idea that House is somehow to blame for Amber's death is quite ridiculous. At least Wilson doesn't blame him. Which is the only good thing I can say about him in this. Really - they never were friends? Oh, come on! Idiot.
Thriteen? Bleh. I liked her more or less in the last season - but this? Annoying. And how shitty was her reaction to being wrong???
Foreman was surprisingly okay, though. Maybe that was because he hardly did or said anything? :)
But I liked Chase and Cameron. Chase got more confident and Cameron seemed less black-and-white.
I loved Cuddy's "couple's counseling" - and how she didn't really take sides (even if Wilson thought she did. Heh.).
The mistery was entertaining and quite surprising - I liked it. Even if I have no idea if it was realistic in any way. ;)
The second episode was quite cool, I think. Apart from Wilson being a complete and utter moron. I never considered him a completely nice guy - he was a bastard often enough - but this? But everything else was fun. ;)

Well, NCIS. Comparing episodes from seasons one and five I have to say Gibbs has changed quite a lot. He was still grumpy back then but did have some sense of humour. Now he's mostly grumpy.
And McGee is turning more and more into an idiot in season six. Which surprises me, actually, because I really liked how he got a complete episode for himself in "Caged".
And somehow the Gibbs-DiNozzo interaction changed.

Saw the first episodes of The Mentalist. I'm not entirely convinced... I'm not a big fan of series with a background whodunnit (I mean trying to find Red John) - that's why I didn't like NCIS' Frog-Arch. Bleh. And I'm not really sure I like his partner.
Basically the same problem with Life. Crews is weird enough to be interesting, but once again the Murder In The Past(TM). And not to forget the boss who tries to kick him out. Wait, I've seen that one already... Blind Justice? Yes, and a couple of other shows. It's a cliché I don't particularly like. And the second cliché I'm not a fan of? The wronged investigator who is always right and always doubted (usually because (s)he's weird). And even if (s)he proves to be quite capable that pattern neverever changes. I prefer teamwork.

AND Numb3rs. I don' know what's wrong with those who do the planning - but. First we get parts of the first season (for the... third time), then we get three episodes of the third season, followed by episodes of the second season, followed by... nothing. Or better, some crappy show. And now we get the rest of the fourth season - and I doubt we'll ever see those episodes from the beginning again. I mean, they still have so many first-season-episodes to show us. Mweh.
yggdra_sil: (Default)
I hate it when people expect me to only ask "how high?" when they tell me to jump. Argh.
She's freaking out over her thesis - I try helping her by calming her down, letting her bounce off ideas, suggesting different aspects, giving my point of view... (and no, I'm not saying that everything I said was useful or brilliant or helped that much, but I was trying to help).
So... when I tell her how worried/scared I am that my thesis is not good enough/I'm going to fail (the stuff almost anyone worries about at some time, I know)... what does she say? "Oh, for you it's different."
Huh? Different how, exactly? Are you just telling me that my fears are less significant than yours?

So, when I'm not availyble for some time (not reading my e-mails over the fucking weekend), she's getting whiny and bitchy. "Are you there? Come on!!" Nyanyanya, bitchbitchbitch.

Missy, you're not the only one who's worried and stressed and busy. So stop being an asshat and get a grip. Please. I don't want to be angry at you. I like you, actually.


Sep. 2nd, 2008 01:12 pm
yggdra_sil: (Default)
Well, it's been a while, I guess.
Part of it is that I'm way too lazy to write regularly - the other part is that I've been sick for a while now. Being sick means having the flu, kinda, but not really, no sir. *snerk*
Sounds silly, heh? Well. I had a cold and a very slight fever. Then I felt better but STILL had high temp. And now? I'm basically fine (except for being exhausted all the f*ing time) - but still got high temp.



Aug. 12th, 2008 11:28 am
yggdra_sil: (Default)
Oh. My. God.
She's trying to drive me insane. And she's succeeding. It's amazing how much one person can TALK without having anything to say.

Why won't she shut up? I have work to do. I have to write a paper and have to conventrate. But hey, her problems are so much more important than anything I might worry about.

Really, sometimes I hate her.

Any these two weeks are, in a way, holiday for me, too. Or at least they're supposed to be. I mean, I am finally alone for two weeks, have no one to tell where I'm going or what I'm doing or why. Only in theory, though.

yggdra_sil: (Default)
... is to put new friends on a pedestal.
Read more... )


May. 26th, 2008 11:55 am
yggdra_sil: (Default)
Some things happened, nothing special, just... well. The usual stuff, I guess.

Last Friday my mother and I had a discussion about a birthday present. I thought the person didn't deserve the presents she had chosen. I know. that sounds mean. But if someone hurts or insults those I care about (or me *g*) I most definitely won't forget it. And this person... well, she considers herself "elite" - me and my parents are really only (and barely) good enough to shine her shoes. If at all. Because we're not rich enough. Or know the RIGHT people. I always say she (and her husband) are the only people I know that would get off from reading their accounts current. Yes, I know how to bear a grudge. Fuckers.
Anyway, I said I wouldn't wrap the presents. My mother told me not to be unfair (!). She wrapped the presents herself.
End of story.

Still nothing from T and C. Which I think is not very nice. I've been waiting for a call/answer to my e-mail two weeks/one week, respectively.
It's not like I FORCED them to ask me to help them.

And. (A good one)
I had very much fun with A this Saturday. Tim Burton is cool. ;)

And. This week's moral conflict: tournament on Saturday - shuld I chicken out again?
All those questions...

Anyway. I still need a topic for my thesis. Bwah.
yggdra_sil: (Default)
Maybe I'm just too thin-skinned, but I'm really really REALLY hasta las narices. It pisses me off sooo much when people tell me that what I do is insignificant and useless and a waste of time. Well, no one put it like that, of course. But telling others (studying economy or engineering or computer science) how great it is that they're doing something USEful. Sensible.

It makes me wanna retch.

You know, being judged by intellectual illiterates. By small minded, blinkered expert idiots who think they're clever just because they are able to write their own name correctly.
I mean, you don't have to be interested in what I like - just don't act like it's unimportant because of it. Sometimes I wish I had the courage to tell them what I think of them. Be really mean. Hurt them the way they hurt me. Sometimes I wish I could tell them that - intellectually - I can't respect them because of how narrow-minded they are. I mean, they hardly are able to talk about ANYTHING but their job. That's not dedicated, that's just plain dumb.


Usually, I'm a fairly nice and patient and accepting person. But sometimes it just is... too fucking much.


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