Did the absolite minimun of adulting this weekend, i.e. grocery shopping and scaring the kitties with the vacuum cleaner. I mean, work during the week is enough adultiness, bleh. Work is annoying and sucks.
Monty has discovered his taste for paper, this week he ate my parents' statements of account, tried to eat my salary statement (and other important stuff that was in the envelope), and chewed on a paperback. I have no idea what he likes about paper so much, but it's still a little funny. That little shit has all of us wrapped around his little finger, I love that snuggle bug so much.
Friday afternoon someone from the shelter came for the second control visit; Minou turned tail and ran faster than you could say "CHEESE!". The lady only got one picture before Minou hid behind the curtain and hissed at us. Mascha just sat there and allowed us to pet her like the queen she is :) The lady was so very happy to see Mascha comfortable and all purry (and round lol). And I was happy that she was happy :))
Yesterday when I was sitting on the sofa Mascha came to me for the first time, licked my fingers and then rammed her head against my hand to demand scritches :)
She's never done that before <3 <3 <3
In our last appointment my therapist suggested trying to reduce my meds ... I told her I was willing to try, how I felt secure enough. L O L
Later I reallized that the thought actually fucking scares me. Rationally I know no one wants to take my meds away over night. I know the idea is to take it slow - and that I can say that I want them back. But my monkey brain is bouncing around and scared, worried I'll lose the security I have now. Hm.
And I wonder if my "yes, let's try this!" is just me being the obedient people-pleaser. I have to do some thinking, I guess.
Dear eternal and hopefully benevolent powers above. Please strike down the person that cursed me with this pre-installed ~FREE TRIAL~ bullshit by McAfee.
This is like shitty glitter, impossible to get rid of and and incredibly annoying.
ARGH
So, next level of kitty care: ointment for her eyes. fucking ointment. Drops were not fiddly enough? sigh.
my baby
So ... I suspect one of the kitties has peed in the living room. Somewhere. Ugh.
So I guess I'll get a UV light and play CSI.
In other news, Minou destroyed the new mousie toy in one (1) day.
yesterday was my grandmother's funeral. It was ... good. and weird.
I havent't been to church for a very long time, so that was weird (and I really mean weird. I still know all the words, and it was once so important to me and now very much not).
But it was good to come together and say goodbye.
Her cousin was there, too. And in the late afternoon he had a cerebral haemorrhage and died after a few hours.
Aaaand I'm sad again.
Because of my fucking period.
Because I have to go back to work this Thursday, and I hate it so much.
Because it frustrates me that I have to bother my cat multiple times a day with eye drops and The Brush and she no longer likes to snuggle up to me
Because my Grandmother died and my aunt is acting like a real asshole.
Fuck all this fuckery
Christmas Eve was nice and quiet. We exchanged presents, Monty tried to eat all the wrapping paper and boxes. Then he got to (had to) try on his new winter jacket and he hated it. He stood there, looking so reproachful (how could you do this to me???! I look so silly, the other dogs will laugh at me!!!). But it was so adorable. <3
Then Dad went to have a nap, because he has a cold, and Mom and me had a nap because we wanted to. Monty lay down next to me on the sofa and it was awfully comfy.
And now I just had like half a Daim cake and I'm watching TV.
After years of awfully forced Christmas "performances" for my Grandmother this is just perfection. <3
Last night I got almost no sleep at all. I stayed awake a little too long, past being tired, so to speak. And then I was worried about my kitties, too. They're sneezing and I'm concerned - that it could be more than just dry air. And it felt like they were sneezing non stop because I fell asleep between the sneezes. sigh.
I'll see if it's better after Christmas and if not I'll haul Mascha's butt to the vet.
1. What is your general feeling for 2019?
Leeriness. That fucker better be less stressful than 2018.
2. 2018 in one word?
Stressful.
3. Did something for the first time time 2018?
Meditate. I tried it to work on my mental health
4. Did something again after a long time?
Knitting. And reading.
5. Something you regret not doing?
READING MORE
6. Word of the Year?
Mindfulness
7. Hospitalizations?
No
8. Food of the year?
Hard to say, I basically love everything you can eat lol
But I tried Mochi for the first time :)
9. Song of the year?
Bohemian Rhapsody
10. Book of the year?
Truman Capote: In Cold Blood
11. Movie of the year?
I loved Black Panther.
12. Insight of the year?
Needing help does not make you weak
13. Things I could have done without?
1. Acute hearing loss/tinnitus because of stress. It sucks
2. She's not a thing, but counts nonetheless: my boss
14. Best decisions of the year?
1. Making my parents get a doggo
2. Deciding to get myself kitties
3. Finally starting therapy
Yesterday we went to visit my Grandma. It was an unplanned visit - Thursday early in the morning she fell out of bed (she's in a nursing home) and wasn't well afterward.
She's very confused, but maybe that's because of a concussion. Or maybe a small stroke ...
It was really ... touching and ... strange.
I mean, she recognised my mom and me; but basically all she said was "thank you" again and again. For visiting, for everything. How nice we are for visiting, how good. How bad she is for not being able to control her bladder. Wishing us all the best.
She's 97, for the last 20 years she's been expecting to die. But still, this felt so much like saying goodbye. We were never close, she was never really interested in me.
But she was so tiny and tired in her bed. And I felt like ... I don't know if there's a God, but if there is he'd better be kind to her.
Today I bought a hand puppet. shaped like an octopus. It's ridiculous and awesome and Monty loved chewing on it (and my fingers, of course):
This morning he stole the butter dish from the table and tried to sneak away with it. He got caught, he didn't eat too much of it, so he's fine.
thieving thief.
lol
